Ep 300 The Leadership Lesson I Almost Missed

Bernie Borges [00:00:00]:
A few months ago, I had a conversation with a family member. Nothing dramatic, just a normal conversation, the kind you forget by dinner. A few weeks later, when speaking with this family member, she referenced that conversation. She told me that she had planned to tell me more that day, but I had shut her down. Shut her down? That’s what she said. I was floored. I had no idea. In my mind, the conversation had gone fine.

Bernie Borges [00:00:32]:
In her mind, I had closed the door to that conversation. 2 people, same conversation, 2 different perspectives. Now look, that moment stayed with me, not because I did something cruel. I didn’t, at least not intentionally. I did something that’s a little harder to notice, Unless I’m willing to. I did something that I wasn’t even aware of. In that moment, I was not self-aware. And that’s this whole episode right here.

Bernie Borges [00:01:07]:
Awareness, specifically self-awareness, and the impact that it has on the influence that you have on others. Hey, welcome to the Life Fulfill Podcast. I’m your host, Bernie Borges, and this is episode 300. This is actually the second podcast show that I’ve built to 300 episodes. I retired the first one right there at that number, but this time it’s different. This time it feels like I’m tied to something that’s Bigger than a podcast. I feel like I’m on a mission. I really do.

Bernie Borges [00:01:52]:
On a mission to help people become more self-aware and become more effective leaders, whether you’re leading at work, at home, or really anywhere that your life touches people. Doing the work that I do as founder and CEO of Fulfilled at Work Academy truly fulfills me. I’m living the thing that I teach. It’s pretty cool. Now, let me give you some context. For the first year or so of delivering my Fulfillment-Centric Leadership program, which is my day job, I thought that I was building something for people who manage other people in business— leaders, executives, managers. The truth is, I was reluctant to make it bigger than that. I was afraid of sounding too broad, too everything to everyone.

Bernie Borges [00:02:45]:
But here’s what changed my mind. We can’t separate our humanity between the office and the rest of our life. The version of you that leads a team meeting at work is the same version of you that shows up at your kitchen table. In hindsight, Fulfillment-Centric Leadership was never only for people who manage others. It applies to how you lead yourself, how you lead others, and how you lead through change, because it’s the same person doing all 3. So here’s what 300 episodes have taught me, condensed into one idea for this episode. Leadership is influence. If you have ever influenced another person, whether it’s at work, At home, in your community, you’ve led.

Bernie Borges [00:03:38]:
Now, it may not be a title, but it’s just a fact of being human. Everyone carries that responsibility, whether they want it or not. And the starting line, the minimum that every one of us has to clear, is leading ourselves. The most ineffective leaders of other people struggle for one reason more than any other. They never learned to lead themselves. The most effective leaders of others are effective because they did, because they’re self-aware. They know how they show up, and they know how that shows up in the people around them. This is what that family conversation moment taught me.

Bernie Borges [00:04:23]:
I’ve spent 30 years, more than 30 years, studying I’ve talked to hundreds of guests about it on this podcast, the Life Fulfilled Podcast, and I still missed the moment that my own words landed as a closed door on a beloved family member instead of an open door. Self-awareness is not a certificate that you earn. It’s a lifelong daily practice. Yes, daily. And it can be easy to lose track of in any room with anyone, as I just shared. If I can miss that with a member of my own family, I can miss it with a colleague, a direct report, a teammate, a friend, a client. The question doesn’t change depending on the room that you’re standing in. So here’s the question.

Bernie Borges [00:05:20]:
The question that I want you to ask yourself every day— this is what I’m asking myself every day— does my influence make the people around me heavier, or does it make them stronger? Ask it about the email you send. Ask it about the meeting that you run or attend and participate in. Ask it about the conversation that you haven’t even had yet. And the one also that you’ve been putting off? You know, there’s one place that this question gets tested harder than almost anywhere else right now, and that’s leading through change. Now, in the workplace, the biggest change that we’re all experiencing is the proliferation of, you guessed it, AI. You can’t go a day without hearing about it. I talk to leaders across many different industries, And AI has become the most common leading-through-change scenario in the workplace today. But it’s by far not the only one.

Bernie Borges [00:06:22]:
Change shows up everywhere, including outside of work. Think about it. Your kid leaves for college, maybe a relocation, a layoff, a divorce. The question is the same every time. How do you lead people, including yourself, through the uncertainty of change? Here’s what I’ve learned in my research that shows up in my training events. Leaders tend to see the technical side, the detail side of change. In the case of AI, they’re focused on the tools, the automation, the efficiency gains. That’s where most leadership attention goes.

Bernie Borges [00:07:05]:
But people experience something completely different underneath all of that detail. They experience fear, uncertainty, a lack of clarity, a lack of purpose, even confusion. They begin to wonder whether they still matter or whether they have even become easily replaced. Now, there are 4 moves that I teach that determine whether a change effort builds trust or builds fear. And here they are: reduce fear, create clarity, preserve meaning, and build adaptability. Now, I want you to notice something about that list. While this is the 4-move strategy that I teach leaders in business to drive AI adoption, the reality is that these 4 moves are not only about AI specifically. You can apply them to any change that you’re leading or living through.

Bernie Borges [00:08:04]:
A team going through a merger, a family going through a move, a person starting over after a loss. Same 4 moves every time. So here’s what I want you to do today. Not next week. Today. Take that one question with you. Does my influence make someone stronger, or does my influence make them heavier? You don’t need a framework to ask this question. You don’t need a course.

Bernie Borges [00:08:36]:
You just need to ask it honestly in the next conversation that you have. If you do this, if you ask yourself this question in every encounter, you’re going to wire your brain To preempt moments where you lack self-awareness, like the moment that I had that I shared with you earlier with a beloved family member. You’ll simply be more self-aware. You’ll be a more effective leader, starting with yourself. And if you lead others, and if you’re leading through some type of change, you’re going to be more effective there as well. So here’s my call to action to you. If you want to turn that question into something that’s more than a feeling, I’ve got a tool that I want to offer you totally free. Not selling anything.

Bernie Borges [00:09:26]:
I call it the 90-Day Blueprint, and it walks you through turning one of your life pillars into 3 small moves that you can actually keep. Now, you know what those life pillars are if you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while. They’re Health, fitness, career, relationships, and legacy. Now, I unpacked this tool on episode 294, and you’ll find that episode and a link to the download for the blueprint in the show notes for this episode. I want to tell you about something else. I’m building something new. It’s a free online community, a place for people to share Their wins, their struggles on this fulfillment journey that we’re all on. Now, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I’ve kept giving myself excuse after excuse for not doing it.

Bernie Borges [00:10:21]:
So I’m telling you now, honestly, that procrastinating on this has just been eating at me. Honestly, the Spirit has just been speaking to me. So? I’m going to do it. I don’t have all the details figured out just yet. So make sure that you’re subscribed to the podcast and my weekly newsletter just to learn more about it. When I’ve got more details, I will be sharing that with you. And I look forward to sharing those details and hopefully you joining that community. I think back to that conversation with my family member often now.

Bernie Borges [00:10:58]:
Not with guilt, but really with gratitude, honestly, because she gave me something most people never get. She told me— she let me know that my influence had made her feel heavier in that moment instead of stronger. Now, she didn’t use those words, but that’s what I got out of it. And I really needed that experience. Most people are not going to tell you that. They’ll just quietly deal with it. So before you close this episode, ask yourself one more time: does your influence make others feel heavier, or does it make them feel stronger? I’m Bernie Borges. Thanks for being part of these 300 episodes.

Bernie Borges [00:11:48]:
The next episode begins the journey to the next 300. I hope you’ll come along for the ride because we’re all on this journey together.