Bernie Borges [00:00:00]:
So what does it mean to be self aware? Simply stated, being self aware is understanding how you show up with others. Welcome to the Life Fulfilled podcast. Because you know life’s too short not to experience fulfillment. I’m Bernie Borges, your host and the creator of the Fulfillment Centric Leadership Framework. No matter your age or stage, a more fulfilled life is on the table. On the Life of Fulfilled Podcasts. Be sure to press that Follow or Subscribe button. Most people think leadership is connected with a role or a title.
Bernie Borges [00:00:38]:
That’s only partially true. Leadership is not always your role or your position in an org chart. In this video, I’m going to prove to you that you’re a leader, at least in one area of your life, and maybe more than one area. And I’m going to offer you simple advice to have an impact on your leadership so that others respect you. And at the end of this video, you’ll see yourself as a leader in a way that maybe you never have before. And you’ll understand how your presence, just how you show up, can impact the people around you, whether you have a title or not. Also in this video, I’m sharing a personal story that taught me a tough lesson, but it changed the way I lead. And it might just shift something big for you, too.
Bernie Borges [00:01:29]:
First, I’ll introduce you to a concept that may or may not be easy for you to swallow. You see, leadership begins with leading yourself. That’s right. Think about it. If you struggle leading yourself, how can you expect others to follow you? And in order to lead yourself, you have to be self. Aware. On a recent episode, I shared a stat from Harvard that says that only 15% of all people are sufficiently self aware. Well, that means that 85% of us are not self aware.
Bernie Borges [00:02:07]:
And if you’re not self aware, you’re at a disadvantage because you don’t understand how others view you. Here’s a metaphor, a visual to drive home this concept. I want you to imagine six track and field athletes that are lined up at the starting line. They’re in that crouch position, side by side. They’re preparing and waiting for the audible sound and then to take off and start running the race. But one of these six racers is dressed differently than the other racers. This racer is wearing bulky winter apparel from head to to toe. This racer is at a disadvantage.
Bernie Borges [00:02:52]:
In fact, this racer doesn’t stand a chance as a contender in this race. Not a chance. This is what it looks like to lack self awareness when you’re in leadership. When you don’t understand how you show up. Your people either don’t trust you or they don’t respect you or or they don’t follow your guidance. Sure, they may go through the motions, but they really don’t mean it. When you lack self awareness, you are at a disadvantage from the get go. Like that racer dressed in that bulky winter apparel.
Bernie Borges [00:03:30]:
So what does it mean to be self aware? Simply stated, being self aware is understanding how you show up with others. I’m going to give you an example, and this example is personal and a little painful of a story to tell, but it’s a true story and I’m willing to share it because it’s an experience that I had many years ago and I learned a really valuable lesson early in my career. I worked as an individual contributor and I was one of about 20 salespeople at a tech company. One day one of my peers who was a fellow salesperson called me Stuffed Shirt. Now, he said it spontaneously and it turned out that our peers thought it was both funny and also true. Now fortunately, they weren’t being hostile or mean or anything like that because I had already socialized with my peers many times and they didn’t think of me as a stuffed shirt in a social setting. But at work they said that I’m strictly business and therefore they labeled me a stuffed shirt. Now remember, I was an individual contributor, not a leader of people.
Bernie Borges [00:04:45]:
So you might be wondering, well, how is this connected to leadership? Remember that only 15% of us are self aware. Well, apparently I was not self aware that I was perceived as a stuffed shirt at work. So even though I was no one else’s boss in that chapter of my career, this lack of self awareness impacted my influence. Eventually, I figured out why I was perceived as a stuffed shirt, and that self awareness gave me the ability to change my behavior. And eventually I lost the stuffed shirt stigma. Is employee turnover quietly draining your bottom line? I’ve been there. I learned the hard way that the cost of replacing just one employee can be as high as two times their annual salary, especially in leadership or technical roles. And if your turnover rate is above your industry’s average, the financial impact is even worse.
Bernie Borges [00:05:48]:
That’s why we created the Employee Engagement Fund ROI calculator. It’s free, and in about one minute, by answering just a few questions, you’ll get a clear view of what turnover is really costing your business and how much you could save by investing in employee engagement and retention strategies. You’ll also get a free cheat sheet with turnover benchmarks by industry and replacement cost multipliers. By job level to validate your numbers and know where you stand among your competitors. The ROI Calculator is available at fulfilledatworkacademy.com and it’s linked up in the show notes for this episode. If you want to build a strong case for investing in culture, engagement and retention, this is where you start. Besides, you really should know the cost of turnover in your business and how you can improve profit when you improve employee engagement. Try the Employee Engagement Fund ROI Calculator today.
Bernie Borges [00:06:50]:
Now this was a valuable lesson for the simple reason that I became self aware of the importance of self awareness. I know that sounds a little meta, but that’s what happened. Now this leads me to the real definition of leadership, and it boils down to one word, and that word is influence. I actually just said it a moment ago in the story that I just shared. You see, wherever you show up in lifeat work, at home, in the community, in social settings, you have the potential to have influence. And to the extent that you are an influence on someone or a group of people, that is leadership. There are many ways that you can influence others. You might influence someone’s mood, you might influence someone’s motivation, you might influence someone’s behavior, you might influence someone’s attitude about something.
Bernie Borges [00:07:53]:
You might influence someone’s opinion, you might influence someone’s skills or performance. There are many ways that you can be an influence, and in each case it is a form of leadership. Your influence doesn’t have to be associated with your role or or a title. It’s simply your influence, an influence alone that exudes leadership. When you influence, you’re leading, and your influence is less about what you say, although the words you use do matter. But it’s mostly about how you show up. It’s your attitude, it’s your demeanor, it’s your approach, even your body language, as well as your words. Again, words do matter.
Bernie Borges [00:08:44]:
It’s just that words alone don’t drive your influence or your leadership. This is again where self awareness comes in and it’s very important. Let’s say you’re working on a project with others on a project team. Now, you’re not the official leader of a team in this example. If you show up with a positive attitude, showing respect for other members of the team, offering constructive ideas, you’re having a positive influence. And that’s a form of leadership, even if you’re not the leader on the project. Now let’s say the project team lead shows up one day and allows their bad mood to show. Maybe they’re dealing with a broken water pipe at home and they’re stressed out about the costly repairs.
Bernie Borges [00:09:34]:
They’re only human and they let their frustration show. Now there are two ways that this can be handled. In one scenario, the leader acknowledges that they have a situation at home that’s causing them stress, even if they choose not to share any details. And they even apologize for being in a bad mood. In most cases, the project team’s going to cut them some slack because hey, life can happen to any of us. The key in this scenario is that the leader was authentic. They didn’t pretend that everything is great and their team was understanding because of their authenticity. In another scenario, the leader didn’t mention anything about a situation at home causing stress.
Bernie Borges [00:10:22]:
The leader showed up in a bad mood and the team didn’t know why. The leader was short with the team pushed them hard on some of the project details without acknowledging any of the progress on the project while focusing harshly on some of the details that need more progress, leaving the team feeling, well, inadequate and maybe even dejected. In this scenario, the leader is unaware that they just took three steps backward on the ladder of trust and and respect with their team. Their lack of self awareness significantly damaged their relationship with the team. You can see the difference in these two scenarios. Same circumstance, a broken water pipe at home, costly repairs, stress, anxiety. But in the first scenario, the leader’s self awareness gave the team a reason to show compassion and maintain respect. Relationships were upheld.
Bernie Borges [00:11:25]:
In the other scenario, the leader’s lack of self awareness resulted in a damaged trust and damaged relationships with the team. You see, your presence, how you show up affects how valued people feel, whether you’re the official leader or part of the team. Now let’s connect this to fulfillment. Remember, fulfillment is about achievement or purpose. When you have influence over a person or a group or a program or a project, achievement or purpose are inherent in that thing every day. Now here’s another personal story that I’m going to share with you. When my son was a kid, I coached his little league baseball team. And in that role my self awareness was heightened because I had influence over a group of 10 year old boys.
Bernie Borges [00:12:23]:
And I took that responsibility very seriously. Now look, I don’t suggest that I was a perfect baseball coach by any means, but at least I can say that in every minute that I was with those boys, I was keenly aware of how I showed up. I always wanted to show them respect and that I care for their well being both as players and and as young boys. I wanted to be a model for them of positive influence. I was also self aware of how I interacted with their parents as well as how I interacted with the other team’s players and their coaches and also the umpires. You know, I can honestly say that being a little League coach, which is a total volunteer role, we’re talking there’s no paycheck. You don’t get paid for being a volunteer little league coach. But that experience helped me be a more effective leader in other roles because my self awareness meter was heightened significantly.
Bernie Borges [00:13:27]:
So my question for you is, do you show up in situations of influence, whether at work or outside of work, with a heightened sense of self awareness? Remember, Harvard’s study says that only 15% of us are sufficiently self aware. For most of us, we need to consciously work at being self aware. This is why when I deliver my fulfillment centric leadership training program, the first step in the training is a self awareness exercise. It’s not a lecture, it’s an experience that requires answering specific questions to heighten self awareness. By the way, you can learn more about my fulfillment centric leadership training at my website, which is linked up below. Now, earlier I said that leadership begins with leading yourself. By now you understand that this means being self aware about how you show up. Do you give people a reason to label you a stuffed shirt? I don’t mean that literally, but whatever label they may give you because of how you show up.
Bernie Borges [00:14:37]:
Or do you give people a reason to respect you because of the way that you make them feel? Leadership is not in your title. Leadership is in your influence. And if this video is a positive influence on you, please subscribe to my channel and tap the like button so that others can discover it. I want to grow this channel and you can help by subscribing. My wish for you is to be in the 15% of self aware people of influence. You’ll be more fulfilled and the people that you influence might experience more fulfillment too. Because fulfilled leadership is a winning formula in life. I’m Bernie Borges, founder of the Fulfilled at Work Academy.
Bernie Borges [00:15:23]:
Thanks for watching this video.
