A study published by Harvard Business Publishing Corporate Learning notes that only around 10‑15% of people are sufficiently self‑aware, there is less than a 30% correlation between people’s actual and self-perceived competence, and a lack of self‑awareness among leaders negatively impacts decision‑making, collaboration, and conflict management.
The goal of this post is to give you a clear understanding of how to become a more self-aware leader at work, at home, or in your community. I’ll walk you through a simple, yet powerful framework I developed out of necessity when I struggled with my own self-awareness. I’ve documented this process in a free guide. More on that later.
This video provides the same information in video format.
The process I explain here allows leaders to build authentic alignment in their lives and in their leadership responsibilities. If you’re a leader at work, this is for you. If you’re not a leader at work but you’re a leader at home or at the local Little League, Rotary, Chamber of Commerce, or Church, etc., this is also for you.
I’m going to help you understand:
✔️ Why self-awareness is crucial in leadership.
✔️ Why self-awareness is hard.
✔️ My personal journey with self-awareness.
✔️ How my journey led to writing the guide.
✔️ I’ll walk you through the five steps in the guide.
✔️ What I gained from this exercise.
✔️ My invitation for you to experience this journey with the guide.
Let’s Begin with Why Self-Awareness is Crucial in Leadership
Self-awareness isn’t taught to us in school. It’s usually associated with advanced psychology, like something only a degreed psychologist could teach. However, when you realize that being a self-aware leader in any setting is a strategic advantage, that should be enough motivation to become more self-aware.
Remember, according to Harvard’s research, no more than 15% of all the people walking this earth are self-aware. That is a stark insight. Said another way, 85% of leaders are not self-aware. This puts leaders at a disadvantage on day one!
You don’t need a PhD in psychology to know that when you understand your values and how they align with how you’re living your life, you start leading with clarity and confidence. You can listen differently. You can make decisions more intentionally. You create psychological safety in your team because you’re leading from a place of integrity and clarity.
The truth is that most of us think we’re self-aware. But, as mentioned above, the research shows that only 10-15% of people actually are. And in the workplace, or the community, that gap shows up as disengagement, miscommunication, and ineffective leadership.
Why Self-Awareness is Hard
Self-awareness is hard because it requires self-reflection in a noisy world. And, I suggest doing this self-reflection with at least a little structure. You can’t just wing self-reflection and expect to figure out where you are aligned with your values and where you’re not.
It turns out that traditional leadership training often skips this step. It doesn’t go deep on self-awareness. Rather, it focuses on processes to drive results.
My Personal Journey Toward Self-Awareness
Let me share a quick story.
A few years ago, I was performing well by every traditional measure. My career was going well, my family life was great, and my health was mostly going well. But something felt off. I didn’t want to admit it because I felt guilty about it. I felt that I had no right to complain. But, I knew that I was out of sync.
That’s when I started doing some deep reflection. And, here’s how I did it. First, I asked myself how I am fulfilled across my entire life, not just in one area such as my career. This is when I organized my life into five pillars: health, fitness, career, relationships, and legacy. These are the high-level and all-encompassing pillars I’ve adopted into my leadership framework.
I literally scored my fulfillment in each of these pillars. Then, I repeated the same exercise with my values. And, that’s when the clarity light bulbs went off!
I’ll come back to this in a minute.
First, I want to emphasize that the awareness I gained from this exercise changed everything. It gave me the compass I needed to “course correct” my leadership, both at work and outside of work.
I started making small shifts, having more intentional conversations, and I gained more alignment between my values and my reality. In short, I became a better leader, and the best part is that it spilled over into my marriage, my relationship with my adult kids, my faith journey, and my friendships. In other words, this exercise was life-changing.
And, I didn’t have to spend months and thousands of dollars with a therapist. I mean no disrespect to therapists. I’m simply sharing my story.
Why I Created the Guide
The personal journey I just described was so meaningful that I documented it. I’ve been told I should write a book on it. And, I might. In some ways, I have already written a short book. I call it the Values & Fulfillment Alignment Guide, and I give it away for free. This guide reflects the steps I took to gain clarity on my journey to being a more effective leader inside and outside of work.
Now, I use this guide in leadership workshops, coaching sessions, and masterminds. And the impact is consistent: leaders typically experience breakthrough insights in under one hour.
Walkthrough of the 5-Step Guide (the Clarity Enabler)
Here’s how it works:
Step 1: You rate your fulfillment in five key areas of life: Health, Fitness, Career, Relationships, and Legacy. Rate each pillar from 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest score. This gives you a snapshot of where you feel strong and where you might feel off.
Step 2: You identify your top 5-10 personal values. Think words like Growth, Integrity, Connection, Creativity, Family, Faith, Community. These are examples of principles that guide your calendar and your decisions.
Step 3: You rate how aligned your current life is with each of those values. Not perfectly, just honestly.
Step 4: You reflect. Where are you most aligned? Where are you most out of sync? What’s one insight you didn’t see before? This is where you are most likely to have a big clarity moment!
Step 5: You commit to one action. What’s one small change that will bring you closer to alignment? Write it down.
This process can take 15 or 30 minutes. But the clarity you gain can shift how you show up for the rest of your life, if you allow it to.
What I’ve Gained Through This Work
Through this practice, I’ve become a better leader. A better colleague. A better friend. Hopefully, a better husband. In all my relationships, I listen more deeply, more intentionally. I lead with more empathy. And I trust my instincts more because I understand what drives them. The exercise of value alignment with fulfillment is truly game-changing, and I hate using this cliche, but that’s what it is…game-changing.
Any leader can experience the same. When you do this work, it’s contagious. Your team sees it. Your family feels it. Your friends see it.
Your Invitation to Act
So here’s my invitation: Get your own copy of the Values & Fulfillment Alignment Guide. Carve out a few minutes this week. Just for you. It’s a private exercise. There’s no judgment. No performance review. Just quiet reflection.
After you go through this exercise, consider doing this with one of your direct reports or a family member. You don’t need to solve their problems. Just start a self-awareness conversation.
Remember, 85% of us are not self-aware. The odds are in your favor that this exercise will result in one or more meaningful insights for you and for those you lead, whether inside or outside of work.
If you want to explore this for your team in your workplace, get in touch to discuss workshop and mastermind options.
In the meantime, I invite you to explore the Guide. It’s free. It’s available. And it’s waiting for you.
In Closing
Remember: Alignment creates clarity. Clarity unlocks fulfillment. And fulfilled leaders fuel high-performing cultures, inside and outside the workplace.
Stay Fulfilled,
Bernie Borges,
Founder, Fulfilled@Work™ Academy
Creator, Fulfillment Centric Leadership™ Framework
Host, Life Fulfilled Podcast
